leisure

Something dawned on me today......I should get a second job. I am working alot now but when the owners return from Hawaii it will be back to my normal 30 hour weeks. I am not going to school.... so screw that! This is a decent chance for me to save money for whenever I magically find out what I want to do. A year ago I quit my job at the ladybug and want probably working both at this time. I was going into my job at Sweet Masterpiece in the Pearl District. I was so full of hope and purpose. I knew what I wanted to do and I was activly pursuing it. I felt on top of the world but the more I tryed I seemed to slip further down. At the end of my employment there, I felt hopelessly lost and fearful of the future. I thought that I had given it my all and ended up somehow getting fired! WTF???!!!

Well I know I do not want to cook for the rest of my life. It is a bad industry frankly... well unless you are at the top but I do not have the potential to be there. You work very hard and get paid very little. Forget that! It is something I can always fall back on in the future.

When I got my job at the Hawaiian place I was happy working little so I had lots of time to play WoW. Now I don't care about computer games as much but still every time I quit wow... I find myself empty. Kinda pathetic. Anywho........ I think if I was to take classes or work a 2nd job I would have very little free time and would not have to play WoW. I just completely waste all the time that I am not at work. When I am there I work hard and enjoy some of it. I quite frankly hate my free time. If I am not makeing music then I feel like I am wasting it. I just have been feeling like a total looser lately. I don't feel any purpose in my life. I get out of work and then I wait to go to work again.... so I might as well never leave...... j/k.... I need some time off. Maybe I can find something that is not in the restaurant industry. Well...... time for bed..... 2:15 am.
Frustrating.......
But in a way I do enjoy the challenge of changing. I know I can do it.

potential

Potential is something I have been thinking on lately.
Last night I watched a review of the movie Revolutionary Road.

I like this channel. Check them out.

Anyways the old man in the video was talking about Leonardo DiCaprio's character who is living this suburban lifestyle and loves to write. He wants to be a writer. The old guy in the video was saying that he thought that the tragedy of the story was that he wanted to be something that he did not have potential to be.

That really struck me. I realized that I spend so much time beating myself up for not being what I want to be....... but if I don't even have the potential to be what I want.... then what is the use? How the hell does one know his/her potential? I just came up completely blank.

Well this life is sure a challenge and if it was not it would be no fun.